The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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