from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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