Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We had sex on a dog bed..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
