She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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