Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
