one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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