Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You are a booty call, not a friend.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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