Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize