I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
