Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize