my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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