he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
