if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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