I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
