this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
