i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
