Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
