I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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