For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
