i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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