I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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