what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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