Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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