did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
