I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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