He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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