: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
