I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
