Are we in a gay sports bar?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
