I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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