No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
