your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
