lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
