My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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