How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
