Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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