So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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