arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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