I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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