i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
