I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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