I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
