Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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