Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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