I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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