Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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