I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
