Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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