no, he came in my armpit
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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