Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
