I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
