'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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