My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
