he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
