Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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