so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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