I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
