Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
