The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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