the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
