she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
