i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize