Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
