I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
