I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
