goodnight i made you a song goodbye
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
