Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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