It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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