how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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