One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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