he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
